Get Together

I can’t believe I’ve gotten through last night without feeling so much of the butterflies in my stomach. Well, I’ve had a good time, with all that nice chit-chats over a couple of party size pizzas with my old friends in college.

It’s not like we haven’t seen each other for 10 years - it was only year since our graduation. But still its nice to see them all serious with their jobs and plans for the future.

I’m totally happy for them.

Even for him.

He has a good job - at least he said so, a quality control personnel or something. I really don’t care. The good thing is he has a job. And the fact that he seemed to change his lifestyle a little bit, is something I can totally be proud of him.

Yeah. So I was waiting at Mcdonalds for these friends of mine to arrive and my mind kept battling over the fact whether he is coming or not.

Ardy came first, of course, since I know he can’t bear me being alone. Then came Frank, all comfy in his baggy shorts. His stances never changed although he seemed more focused on his job now - yeah, he seems more responsible now. I was waiting for Vane to arrive but she never did make it. Her friend told me later on that she had a little family complication. I am so worried about her.

Anyways, then we waited for Jessie to arrive. When he was finally there, Amadz appeared too. Jessie was wearing that thing in his mouth to keep his jaw from locking and Amadz - well, I should say, he seemed too shy but still the same lanky Amadz I’ve known before, only he seemed a little fair-skinned now.

And as I thought these are all that were coming, then came this guy I knew so well, only he has no eye glasses on.

I sat there, almost open-mouthed since I never thought he would allow himself to see me. Knowing what Vane told me - that he wasn’t ready to face me yet - for whatever reasons I wouldn’t be able to figure out by myself.

So for a split-second, I sat silent there. And then I called out his name - his last name actually, because I didn’t know if I could say his name without being so emotional about it.

So, We all sat there, all six of us, chatting and talking away the days we missed far from each other. Secretly, I stole tiny glances to him noting every aspect of him. I noticed he was wearing a necklace - which I think, if my brain is not playing tricks with me, came from me. I know no one else who would give him a mood pendant necklace. Its such a girly thing, I know. But still he was wearing it, and I can’t help to wonder why.

Two days before the meet up, I saw in his YM username a little shoutout that said “I MUST her again”. I thought it must be his new girl, since I was totally expecting him to have a new one by now. But so far, I haven’t heard any rumors about it. I MUST admire for him to being that!

Deep inside I really want to talk to him personally and catch up for the almost nine months we haven’t talked to each other but seeing all the guys around me excited and possibly hungry, I initiated that we go to the venue and have dinner. We were supposed to be at Lipa Grill but since Vane wasn’t there and there were only six of us, I invited them to Shakeys’.

So, there, we had a our hilarious walk down the memory lane. Frank mostly on the lead. He talked about the several incidents that made us burst into laughter now but wasn’t that funny back then. Each one had a piece to share, and was happy joking and kidding Amadz about his new, and first girlfriend.

All the while, I couldn’t help but wonder what’s really going on in HIS mind, seeing me with Ardy just beside me. I figured out maybe, he wanted to see me because he wants to know if he have already moved on. Well seeing me with someone else possibly could give some nice excuse. But I don’t really know. I wouldn’t forget that one smile he had on when I saw him took a glance at me. I knew there’s something in his mind, and right there and then, I would have begged him to speak it out. Only I didn’t, since Frank and Jessie were busy with teasing Amadz about everything.

It was a pretty difficult situation. It was my first time to see my ex after almost nine months - in which I wasn’t totally sure if I’ve moved on myself. And the most ridiculous thing was I’m with my first love, obviously
happy and contented with what I’ve got. Even though I tried to act a litte fidgety and nervous in the situation, I think I acted perfectly relaxed. But I must ask Jessie about it first, you know, just to be sure.

Deep down inside I really wanted to talk to him, only I totally can’t. I would love to know what has happened to his life after he broke up with me. I so wanted to be friends with him again, but I don’t know if he’s up to it yet.

I really didn’t want to ruin our friendship just because of what happened between us. He was one of my intelligent friends back in college, he was a great companion, he was good in sarcasm and he was unstoppable in teasing me about alot of things. I missed that with him. If only he knows that….

But the thing is, its totally different now. Both of us have a life of our own now. He can do whatever he wants and I can be anything I want to be. However, I still want to see him get on with his life as a friend and not a distant ex-gf any longer. If only I could erase that past of our live. But since there’s no use begging for it, I only wish and pray the best for him. Whatever happens though, I’d still consider myself a friend to him.Period.:)

P.S. I like him better with his eyeglasses on.:)